“I’d like to show you my scar tonight, but I can’t get it out in public.”
“I think I’m going to have a parrot in my house?
A parrot. One that talks back to you.
“It could be an absolute disaster. It’s brilliant.” (In the same conversation)
“I might change; we’re going out V VIP tonight.”
“I’m not going to lie, he’s still got the ring and the child. He’s 20. He’s definitely dating though – it’s paying for his rent cos he’s got a touch.”
“Anyway, long story short, they bought a train ticket.”
“Anyone can drink that – it’s just like milkshake. It sits well on the stomach. And I was so sick, I threw up in the street outside and then I went in and hadn’t more.”
“And then it happened again, and we were at Warren Street AGAIN.”
“It was like you had to whisper a code word in a fridge or something.”
“He’s an idiot – he bet like a hundred grand on a horse or something. You can lose money that way.” (Yes, yes you can.)
“You’re being very selfish now making mummy eat the chocolate croissant when you know she doesn’t like chocolate.”
“No one expects the dog to get married.”
“You’re going to really enjoy that photo when you’re older.”
“… and then it turned out that he just wanted to move to a little town in the middle of nowhere and be a taxidermist.”