OK guys and gals, we have the next installation of my earwagging on the streets…
And then we have exactly the same table but with him dying first
Are you taking Miranda to golf?
It’s like when frogs try to cross
We’re good people and we’re moved by something bigger
Now that was a castle
I managed to shop for the first time in my life and I was like, I’m gonna die!
They’re stuck together with jam
“They can speak all the languages.” “That’s good.”
So what do you need from us…oh, you want tickets. And PANCAKES? You want tickets AND pancakes?
What we need is some chefs on instagram with a fish dish
So you’re still fun, but more focused
Nowadays every guy and his gal in shoreditch have a face tattoo, but as far as I’m concerned, unless you’ve killed at least two people you can’t do that. And I’m like, mate, you’re probably from Cambridge…
It’s just an allegation
It turns out he worked quite a lot
Did they have lots of COFFINS in the summer? What? Oh, I thought you’d have remembered that.
He’s off his tits on broccoli. (Ok – admittedly that was anyone who overheard me having a particular conversation with my mum.)
Well, it’s not the best banana.
What can I say? It is a shame (link to full story here)
Fifteen clarinets playing at once: it’s terrible.
It was so, so disgusting.
How long was Gerrard at the buffet?
Hi Dad, er…essentially I need to borrow 24 quid.
“So before they get here, anything I should know?”
“Henry’s having an affair.”
“I thought you’d say that.”
Enjoy is a soft word, I would say love.