London dispatches

The run up to Christmas is always a great time for some overhears on the street/Tube/canal paths of London. Every word is true and unadulterated…

“So when he turned up he was just palpitating”

“…Because we need time to prepare. Some of them need to go and put on clothes.”

“So I’m going to Montenegro.”

“You know there’s a wardrobe falling down the stairs?” “Yeah”

(Two coppers to each other) “I got her a sword to go with her two daggers. She’s so not girly.”

“But I did pay him for the drugs.”

“You can’t really drink one bottle at a time, because that would be a twenty year project”

“It’s like a cheese-filled condom”

“And then he said he’d been in a car crash but he’d bought me tickets for the gig too anyway and did I want to go. But it’s bollocks because he was never in a car crash anyway.”

“No I can’t unzip them, it’s my bunions.”

“It’s alright when she lies down, so it must be her neck, don’t you think?” “But it’s also ok when she talks.”

“Do you know anyone who know someone anything about the stock exchange?” “Well they seem to.”

The fragrant egg and b.

“Jeeves,” I said, “I am not the old merry self this morning.”
“Indeed, sir?”
“No, Jeeves. Far from it. Far from the merry old self.”
“I am sorry to hear it, sir.”
He uncovered the fragrant egg and b. and I pronged a moody forkful.

From the ever excellent PG Wodehouse whose Leave it to Psmith joined me on holiday last month as I sat pronging Devil’s Food Cake in my pyjamas. Greatly relieved it’s now the weekend after a LONG week.

Overheard in Oregon

Listening in on conversations around me is a bit of an addiction of mine, and whilst the home turf provides plenty of gems, travel always throws up a good few oddities too. In this respect, I can only say that Oregon has delivered gold. Here’s the latest crop, with thanks to the Saint of Soho for extra reporting:

“He turned up in a fur coat and was being very aggressively flirty.”

“So then they decided to swap partners, but they all kept their own shares, and a month later Mikey arrived. I think it says a lot that he loved you enough to give you more shares.”

“I just really want Franco to have something for himself like that and then everyone will love him for it.”

“He’s a millionaire, and not a prisoner.”

“Isn’t that the most beautiful door? I might have to take a photo of your door. Is it real?”

“We’ve got about an hour to kill so we can go home and phone the coastguard, I want you there with me when I call.”

“The only reason I stole from you is because I thought you weren’t looking.”

“He was super-helpful, so I had this laxative fish”  “And Mario was ok with that?”  “He wanted to help.”

“I’ve had super good birthday cakes whenever I’ve come up here.”

”So then I ruined his birthday and we were totally not friends for a few years” (N.B., despite my raging curiosity and some vague mentions of a glittery finger, I have no idea what the birthday-ruining act was. Sorry. And if glittery finger is some kind of euphemism, I don’t want to know.)

“I think I’ll just see what jobs are going.” “So what are you gonna be? A sous chef?!

“I don’t know your nuances bruv; I need ALL your nuances.”

“It’s the empathic life, it’s hard being fucking intelligent.”

(Guy speaking to his dog, whom some girls had stopped to admire.) “Thanks buddy, you helped me out today there. I was gonna buy a toupee or something otherwise.”

Grand ambitions

IMG_6336

There’s something magnificently crazy about writing a book on accordion playing round the world (useless fact – Haile Selassie had an imperial accordion troupe), but what great illustrations to fit the joie de vivre of such a project.

Feathered friends

IMG_6325IMG_6327

Quentin Blake’s delightful series of extremely human birds. This could be creepy, but it’s absolutely not, mainly because underneath the wicked humour is a fundamental kindness and interest in people. On display at the House of Illustration in London.

IMG_6326IMG_6328

 

Inko

IMG_6172IMG_6173

I’m enjoying these personifications of the London Tube lines by the manga artist Inko. Part manga heroes and heroines, part flower fairies, there are plenty of witty touches that will keep any Londoner chuckling. Have a look at Inko’s website here for more.

IMG_6175IMG_6174